old musings on life

September 19 04

2005-09-16T20:21:00.000-07:00

Ugh...haven't felt so good today. I've had a terrible headache all day - and even though I've gotten a lot done school wise - I feel like I haven't done jack all day. I might just have to go spoil myself on some coffee. Or maybe I won't have the energy. Dunno...shouldn't have that much caffiene before i go to bed anyways. Great weekend though. Can't wait for next weekend though. Hopefully everything will work out.

September 17 04

2005-09-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

God I've been meaning to write more, but I just get distracted or super busy. This week has been super busy, had something to do every night. Anyways, excited about the weekend, but I got a lot to study also - cognitive test in a week and a half. I think I'm going to start a poetry section on here to house all the stuff I've been writing lately. Dunno, just been real creative as of late. I'll probably put it on the orange page, because it's an art thing. Oh well, I gotta get back to reading.

A friend said this to me yesterday, and I grin like a mad idiot everytime I think about it:
"I liked the cute attitude that kept spinning the skirt."
So, thanks, you're super cool.

September 14 04

2005-09-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

Something I wrote on the way home from San Marcos:

Should Have Known

so i watched you do your thing
boy i didn't know that you could sing
oh yeah, you took control of me
oh baby, i couldn't see
just who you are

shoulda known when you weren't home
shoulda known when you had grown
far away from me

i didn't know what to do
i was falling in love with you
so i stuck around for a while
oh i should have run that mile
away from you

shoulda known when you weren't home
shoulda known when you had grown
far away from me
shoulda seen through your disguise
but i just realize
and you took me by surprise
you made me fall
you made me fall
you made me fall
for you

now
someone explain this to me
how the hell didn't i see
all those signs

shoulda known when you weren't home
shoulda known when you had grown
far away from me
shoulda seen through your disguise
but i just realize
and you took me by surprise
you made me fall
you made me fall
you made me fall

shoulda known when you weren't home
shoulda known when you had grown
far away from me
shoulda seen through your disguise
but i just realize
and you took me by surprise
you made me fall
you made me fall
you made me fall
for you

September 13 04

2005-09-16T20:16:00.001-07:00

Tired today. Didn't get much done, partially because I'm just unable to concentrate. Hopefully we won't get stats homework tomorrow so I can get some stuff done in my break. But whatever. So I'm feeling this song today:
Jay Quinn - I Need

Take these walls,
The fences I've erected,
And tear them down,
Let the corner stones fall,
And are you sure,
Those questions that your asking,
Are you set,
For the answers I give.

It's your turn,
To let me in your thoughts,
And risk it all,
All that's vulnerable,
And as I dig,
Through all your little secrets,
Don't be scared about the things I'll find.

Does anyboby know you,
Does anybody want you,
Does anybody love like I do,
Does anybody need you,
Does anybody care,
I promise I will.

I won't judge,
I'm not looking for perfection,
I am sure,
The truth is beautiful,
And will you run,
Through all that I'm exposing,
Will it satisy all your fears.

CHORUS

I said I've heard it all before,
It depends on what side your on,
You say I'm outside looking in,
But don't think I know how it feels to be forsaken.

CHORUS X2

Yea so yea.

September 12 04

2005-09-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

Now accepting applications for Erin's newest love interest. Please fill out the survey questionaire and bring it to the psychology building. Pictures are a must. No smoking.
Ahhh, for the love of school, I'm too busy for that kind of hassle anyways. I'm feeling very much like this today (grainy and very blah).

September 11 04

2005-09-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

Oh my good goodness - an update. I have been so freaking busy with school and running around that I couldn't find time to breath much less work on my website. But here I am back with a vengence. Well, not really lol. Anyways, lots of revalations in my life right now...just trying to sort through everything and not want to kill something in the process. I really wanted to get more studying done today, but I thought my head was going to explode. But fortunately I found out that one of the things I had listed to read was really just the topic of the next lecture and not an actual reading. Whew.
Watching A&M vs Wyoming. Good game so far...especially since we are winning. Whoop! Anyways, Lubbock has been treating me good so far - can't complain, it's pretty dry and not too hot. The cold in the morning throws me off all the time. Not that it matters once I get to the psychology building...it's always freezing in the offices so, doesn't matter much. Wrote a song the other day - think I'm going to work on the bass lines for it in a little bit. Other than all that...just working on my brother's b-day present which is going to rock beyond all measure...it's just not even funny.
Side note: Some people just need to grow up. But, if you find that it makes you feel better to make fun of me online - then just keep your little 15 old friends reading your journal and go right ahead. Leave everyone else out of it though. You don't need to make fun of people that haven't done anything to you. And I'm done.

August 23 04

2005-09-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

So, today was pretty good. I took a nap and everything, which means I won't be able to fall asleep tonight. I don't have much else to do tonight, kind of did everything I wanted to already today. I can't wait for school to start. Then I won't feel so blasted lazy, and I'll have stuff to work on and keep me entertained. Speaking of entertainment, I learned how to play Another one bites the dust today - and it was quite humorous - considering I forgot I had the blinds open. Whoops.
So tomorrow starts the barrage of meetings. Yes - lots of them up ahead. I added about 3 more today. Whoopie...at least I'll get out of the apt. And I'll figure out parking tomorrow I guess since I can't illegally park like I did the other day. Which means, I need to go early tomorrow. Lots of tomorrows all in one sentence. I need rest.

Erin with a goat. I love the crap I find on my computer.

August 22 04

2005-09-16T20:12:00.001-07:00

Dude, so we just got back from the rec - and my stomach is killing me. I did some of those incliced sit ups and man. They are killer. Waiting on my meat to thaw so I can make dinner. I'm excited about next weekend, but I still haven't found a place to stay - and the people that would know are out playing some other shows this week. Doh. Maybe I'll just sleep in my car ;). Tempted not to go, but I already promised, plus it's one of the best opportunities to get to see them before school starts. Actually, I'd like to go to all the shows in this month...all good places - san marcos, austin, dallas - damn. I know I'm going to do the labor day weekend fest. Already have a place to stay for those. But I don't know about the other two weekends - they'd be a lot of fun, but I don't want to be that person who's always gone on weekends and misses all the fun around here. Hmm. I'll wing it I think.

August 21 04

2005-09-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

Major uploadage to the dance pictures pages. Only cause, they are the ones that I don't have to scan. To get some of the rest uploaded involves a lot of very boring scanning - I'd rather be taking a nap or something. Good god, so glad to get out of the house last night. I went with Lindsey to law people's dinner and parties. Mad crazy - what a good time. Fun to meet a bunch of Aggies, plus law students are just nuts. That's all. Off to other things.

August 18 04

2005-09-16T20:10:00.001-07:00

Sooooooo - today was a slow day. I slept in, worked out, ate lunch, and took a nap. Just kind of been chilling around. Played guitar for a while - till Lindsey got back and now we are talking about her book drama. Wish I could get out of this lazy funk, but it's not going to happen. Got a couple more things on my list to do today - just don't feel like it, but I should get it all done before my meetings and junk start. Speaking of - I am meeting with my prof that I'm the TA for tomorrow. Kind of nervous about it. Gotta brush up on APA format since that's what I'm going to be grading...it's all kind of sketchy in my head now - haven't done it in so long. Oh well, off to get more stuff done on the list.

August 17 04

2005-09-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Just sitting here watching the olympics. Today's been pretty good, got all my posters hung up. My room is way spiffy now. I'm going to take some pictures later and upload them. I have a ton of pictures to scan, but it takes forever on this scanner, so slow updates coming there. I'll have plenty of time since Lindsey won't be distracting me ;). Shoot, I need to email my prof back about what time to meet him. Off to make dinner.

August 16 04

2005-09-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

Oh my god! An update. Now living in lubbock, still trying to finish the little bit of unpacking that i have left. I went and dropped off my posters to get laminated so I can hang them on the wall...my room is going to be SOOOOOO cool. Ok that was way geeky. Anyways. I'm doing pretty good here, Linsdey and I are hanging out - and that's been fun. Our cats are crazy. Got my washer/dryer today, that's really going to rock. My new tech id is really dorky, but oh well, really only going to use it to get into the rec. Song of the day, cause it's really hitting home lately:

"Maybe It's Me"
Ingram Hill

On the radio this morning
They played our song
Thought about the good times
And I wonder what went wrong
Miscommunication?
Cause you had no faith in me
Lack of inspiration?
Or maybe, maybe it's just me

There's life that surrounds me
Just can't make my heart fall
For beauty endlessly
I don't know what I'm feeling
It's not right, it can't be
I try to find someone to blame
But maybe, maybe it's just me
Maybe it's just me

Maybe you were right to find your way out of my life
You found comfort elsewhere while I held on way too tight
But I find no reason why I can't be satisfied
Perhaps cause I can't have you

On the radio this morning
They played our song
Thought about the good times
And I wonder what went wrong
Miscommunication?
Cause you had no faith in me
Lack of inspiration?
Or maybe, maybe it's just me

Maybe you were right to find your way out of my life
You found comfort elsewhere while I held on way too tight
But I find no reason why I can't be satisfied
Perhaps cause I can't have you

Maybe you were right to find your way out of my life
You found comfort elsewhere while I held on way too tight
But I find no reason why I can't be satisfied
Perhaps cause I can't have you

What a damn good song.

August 12 04

2005-09-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Bday Mom!

August 11 04

2005-09-16T20:07:00.000-07:00

Will this work day PULEASE hurry the hell up and end. I mean these last two hours have been dragging by. I don't think I've done any real work all day - especially not since lunch. Just been being a post whore on the message boards. Ok, now I really have to save my money because iSOLA just was added to all the blue october dates I had been considering. By god, Labor day weekend WILL rock this year. No laying around recovering from a football game and then going to school on labor day. I will be out and road tripping. Fun stuff. 40 minutes left. I have a bazillion things to do tonight though, since we are getting up tomorrow to move. Ready for the whole trip, but kind of nervous at the same time. Damn, wish I was going to UT now almost. Oh well, take what life throws you. Speaking of:
would life throw me one of these:

picture of chevelle star bass here

cause they are wayyyyy cool. Guess I'm a big fan of the eighties though. Too bad they are about 1700 dollars. Woah.

August 10 04

2005-09-16T20:06:00.000-07:00

So, today went by pretty fast. Trying to waste the last hour so I can go home and do nothing lol. All my stuff is packed up - just my guitar and computer are out. It's kind of creepy how empty my room is...Oh, and I need to clean out my car. Been trying to change all the addresses on things. I should change the wells fargo stuff, but I keep forgetting. Mmmm, my cingular check has been cashed but not posted online...that bothers me. Oh well, my apt story from today is way interesting, but I really am tired, so I'm not going to get into it right now. Ahh yes, back to work.

August 9 04

2005-09-16T20:05:00.001-07:00

So sleepy all of sudden. Whoops, totally fell asleep on my break just now. Just trying to survive the last hour here today. Then only two more days of mucking through - then I move. Whoo-whoo. It's going to be weird those two weeks off...all that extra time, what in the heck am I going to do with myself. Other than unpack and stuff. I'm excited about that weekend before schools starts and going out to Dallas to see the iSOLA boys play. Too fun. Hope it gets here quick, ready to slide into the groove of school and such again. Not ready to be doing statistics - but I'll survive. I'm excited about my cognitive seminar...but there are only 12 people in the class, so that's a bit nerve wracking...I'm not sure of how the format of everything is going to work. Guess I'll just find out then. Found out that I am going to owe about 500 bucks for tuition and fees after all my scholarships are applied. That's not too bad I guess, but that's after about 2000$ in free money. Hmmp. Oh well guess I should stop messing around and get back to doing nothing at work.

August 6 04

2005-09-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

By god it's freezing in here today. Today is one of those good days that even leaving your lunch on the counter at home can't spoil. (Which I did this morning) So, I'm actually excited about this weekend. We are going to my favorite restaurant for my parent's birthdays. However, i have to spend the rest of the weekend repacking all my junk, so we can move next weekend. I bought a spiffy new date book last night, and I'm fixing to enter all my school info into it. I also got some pictures for free at Wal-Mart yesterday. I used that Kodak machine, and I couldn't get the attention of any of the rude people working behind the desk so I took my two pictures and left. The 60 cents it would have been isn't going to kill walmart so...whatever. I really hope my family doesn't want to go to the mall this weekend. If I have to brave that madness, I'd better at least get some free pants out of it. ;)

August 5 04

2005-09-16T20:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Bday Dad!
So, I love when people post pictures from the weekend and you have no idea when they took that one of you...
Just pissing around for the last 15 minutes. I'm pretty much going to have to waste the next hour and a half, because that dinner isn't until 6.30. Wooo. Took Dad to Pappadeaux's for lunch since it's his bday. Then I played hooky some more and ate some of his birthday cake...mmm cake. Didn't I say somebody brings a cake everyday? Anyways, I need to go buy a planner - I got my meeting schedule for school today. Well, all the meetings that I have to go to before school about getting on payroll, being a TA, health insurance, etc etc. I also need to look up when all my classes are...not like there are many to look up. I only have two real ones with "times" - the last one is my research hours with Kate. Fun stuff...kind of scary - you would think with less classes you would have more free time...but then again, I'm also working the "half-time" job that I get paid for. Mmm. Oh well, just ready to get started...finally ordered my parking pass today. Took me long enough. Not really ready to dish out all the money for school/books/bills that I'm about to have to. Already paid off the credit card and cingular bill...ahh the real world...it's crazy like all the dots I keep using...
Off to Wal-Mart - hopefully they will have some school planners...what? The regular year runs from jan to dec? I'm sorry, I function from August to May. Focus people.

August 4 04

2005-09-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

By god, that girl on the phone was not speaking coherent english. Blah blah blah. Yesterday ended up being a pretty darn good day. It threatened to rain on my parade for a while, but I got over it. I totally burned the bread I was making yesterday. Stupid black cooking sheet...but that's what I get for not paying attention. I'd really like to make my steak recipe again, but who knows where the directions are...I remember most of it, just not how much of all the onions and stuff to put in there. I'm moving to lubbock in 8 days. Kind of nervous. My new roommate is crazy. Love her, but she's nuts. And TWO cats. Oh boy. Hope Bruce doesn't mind. Need to find him a harness so that I can travel with him. Poor cat is going to freak out when we move. Oh well, back to the grind now...no worries I've decided.
Oh and check these cute boys out ;)

August 3 04

2005-09-16T20:02:00.000-07:00

So, the computer system is down today. And it's great, because I can't do ANYTHING till it comes back up. I'm just sitting here working on my website, getting paid for it and everything. Everybody is just kind of milling around also...I even got a call from the blue cross people about a call I made a while ago, but I couldn't help them this time! Ha, karma's a bitch. Anyways, just hanging out here today...I need to go run or something tonight - I'm getting wayyyyy out of shape.

August 2 04

2005-08-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

So I sat down to work on my website, but I couldn't make myself work on it. Goofy me. Too busy responding to emails and being a blue post whore. I'm ready for the next two weeks to come and go. Today went by super fast, maybe the rest of it will. I'm ready to be done at Home Care Supply (with my crazy boss) and ready to get moved and be away again. Cook my own food, have a clean NON CLUTTERED room, etc etc.

Man, today was crap though. I had a serious headache, and I didn't get enough sleep from the night before. Stupid ear and the klutz that I am. Sunday was a mess. What a long drive home...I mean I could do that drive with my eyes closed, so I didn't need to concentrate, which let my thoughts wander various other places. Most of which, however, where not good...I turned up my music so loud to sing along, so I wouldn't have to sit and be frustrated/angry about someone spoiling a perfectly good weekend. Ass. That's right.

Shoot, I feel like such a bum right now...can't make myself do anything productive. Ok, time to get away from the computer and work on some stuff. OH! My dad bought me a dvd burner today. How freaking awesome is that. I'm about to netflix and burn my way to owning all the seasons of the x-files. Then I'll REALLY never get anything done. LOL.

July 29 04

2005-08-24T19:04:00.000-07:00

"Still Broken"

Many times, many times
I fell in love with you
and never showed it
Another way, another way, another way hey hey
To catch a sunny day
yet only molded
I'd run a mile, run a mile, run a mile, run a mile
I'd run a mile for you, blindfolded
And all the words, the words, the words
All the words that you ever said to me will always be broken yeah

So, so, I
Put away, put away, put away hey the words you never said to me
And the scar that's open wide
You turn away, turn away, turn away, turn away hey hey
you turned away from me and never said goodbye
And all the words, the words, the words,
All the words that you ever promised me, were never spoken
And here I am, here I am, here I am, here I am, I'm not afraid of you
but still broken

Hey yea, hey yea, hey yeah
I'm still broken
Hey yea, hey yea, hey yeah
I'm still broken, broken, broken

And if you looked into my dark unhappy eyes
You'd see the tears that I'm choking
And if you touched, if you touched my heart
You'd feel the pain I call hoping
And don't you know, don't you know, I die for just a line from you
Yea a token
And even though I know it could never heal
A heart still broken

Hey yea, hey yea, hey yeah
I'm still broken
Hey yea, hey yea, hey yeah
I'm still broken, broken, broken

She always said
I'm still broken
I'm still broken
I'm still broken

She always said
I'm still broken
And she always said
I'm still broken
I'm still broken
Broken, broken, broken,
I'm still broken

Uh-huh. That's what I said. Good gravy, I love this song.

July 28 04

2005-08-24T19:02:00.000-07:00

Why is when you don't want a week to go fast - it just flies by? I can't seem to make it slow down so that I can get everything sorted out in my head. I really just want to take off this weekend and drive to somewhere where nobody knows me and just chill. It's like murphy's law and some opposite law. If you are having a great time and such - you must have a nasty week to make up for it.

Going to see my grandmother today. Love her, but it's just tortue because she's gone stark raving mad. I'm not really excited about hearing the same story for about 4 hours tonight. Woo. Maybe I can work on the shoes. I need to take a picture to upload...just so damn lazy lately.

July 27 04

2005-08-24T19:01:00.001-07:00

Ugh, I'm not feeling good today. I didn't sleep well, it was hard to fall asleep. I had one of those dreams - the ones where I can't seem do what I'm trying to do. In this one, I was trying to get ready to to go school and was running behind. I missed the bus, so I was asking my parents to take me. I already 10 minutes late to a test...and I even remember that it was a test in my economics class I had in high school (which were always seriously bad news). I was trying to hurry my dad up, but no matter what I did, I couldn't get him to go...and I totally missed the test. I think that I have these can't-get-anything-done dreams, when I'm really stressed, and I feel like I don't have control of what's going on in my life. Which is very much how I felt last night.

All that reminds me of how tired I am people who think they know me and think they can tell me what to do. I almost told off a friend last night because he was going on a one sided story - and telling me how to handle a situation based off of that. Pissed me the hell off - but I was nice and just backed off. I went to bed really frustrated, which is probably why I couldn't sleep.

July 26 04

2005-08-24T19:01:00.000-07:00

Good god, where did my weekend go? And how long till friday? :)

Do you ever have one of those days where you are sitting in your car listening to some music and some song just hits you really hard? I think I've listened to it like 20 times today - just one of those things where something couldn't better describe what's going on with part of my life right now.

Another do you ever have one of those days: where you can't get your mind off something - and the harder you try, the less you can? Just trying to concentrate is a stretch - not that I need to for this job. It's not like it's bad stuff - it's actually great thinking, but damn - I need a distraction.

Shit. I did not handle that well. I wish sometimes that life's situations had a reset button like the computer and you could just hit it when you screw up. I'm trying to tell myself that I don't care because I shouldn't care about wanting to be myself and move on, but I hate putting anyone in an akward situation - so I'm doing the best I can here. Shit. Guess I got my distraction.
Ugh. I couldn't sleep so I decided to work on my picture pages and watch Crossing Jordan. How did everything go to shit so fast?